Connor's Confession
by xTeam Mockingjayx
Summary: Everybody told him law school would be difficult and unbearably stressful, they were wrong, law school wasn't stressful, however knowing Annalise Keating was. And knowing her, working for her was the reason why he was now pacing in the apartment he shared with his adorable, geeky, insecure, god damn perfect boyfriend ready to tell him everything.
1. Chapter 1

**Connor's Confession**

 _AN: My first how to get away with murder or coliver fic! I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think. This is Connor trying to tell Oliver what he and the other members of the Keating Five did with Sam._

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He's pacing.

He never used to pace, he never even used to get stressed.

Before he started law school, before he walked into Annalise Keating's lecture hall, Connor Walsh never had to stress about anything.

His family provided him money, a comfortable SUV, a quiet, persuasive word with a teacher or two when he'd stepped out of line in class, he had everything he ever needed for when he was set out into the big, bad world for university.

Everybody told him law school would be difficult and unbearably stressful, they were wrong, law school wasn't stressful, however knowing Annalise Keating was.

And knowing her, working for her was the reason why he was now pacing in the apartment he shared with his adorable, geeky, insecure, god damn perfect boyfriend ready to tell him everything.

Speaking of whom was sitting on the couch in front of him looking scarily concerned, anxious and Connor could tell by the way Oliver's eyes widened that he was afraid, terrified that Connor was in trouble, afraid, possibly-probably that Connor had messed up again.

And he had. Big time.

But what he had done was far worse than Oliver could ever imagine.

Connor ceased his pacing and stood still in front of his boyfriend, analysing the way he looked right now, love, worry and fear in his eyes. Connor did everything he could to memorise how Oliver Hampton looked this second, how he looked when he still loved him.

Before he found out what it really was Connor had done.

Connor swallowed and took a deep breath,

"I love you."

Oliver narrowed his eyes, smiled slightly and tilted his head in confusion, "I love you too-"

"No, you…" Connor let out a shaky breath, feeling the panic rise in his throat, his hands shaking and sweating. Feeling every bit as broken and scared as he had the night he ran here, ran to Oliver to escape what he had done. That unforgivable, haunting night, he ran as fast as he could to this beautiful boy who managed to turn his whole world upside down with a dorky giggle, glasses, ridiculously bad comebacks and a heart made of gold. "You don't understand. I mean it."

Oliver raised an eyebrow but Connor kept going, knowing if he didn't get all his feelings out now that he never would.

"I love you, like a lot" Connor half laughed, half scoffed "I never…I didn't want this, I didn't want to feel this way…about you, about anyone but you…dammit you were just so perfect and kind and so good and I…I screwed it up. And maybe it was for the best because you deserve so much better than some," Connor swallowed "self-absorbed, pretty boy who cheated on you."

Oliver frowned, "Are you-"

"But I was selfish." Connor interrupted hastily, "I couldn't get you out of my god damn head. And I came back. I…I came to you when I shouldn't have. Because you don't need my problems, you don't have to deal with what…what I've done."

Oliver stood and gripped Connor's trembling hand in his, "Connor…Connor if you used again we can get through it."

The shaggy haired boy stared down at their entwined hands, doing anything to avoid looking at that face, knowing if he sees it, the tears threatening to spill from his eyes will fall uncontrollably and never stop. The contrast of their hands amused the spoilt, handsome man. Soft, gentle light brown hands clutched shaking, scarred, ghostly white ones. He squeezed Oliver's hand tightly, fearing what was to come, fearing it more than he had feared anything else before.

It had taken all the courage in him to talk to Oliver, months of backing out, of sleepless nights with the innocent man cuddled into him until this morning when he suddenly snapped. They were re-watching the Thorn Birds for the millionth time because Oliver insisted it was their movie and Connor secretly only watched it to see Oliver's face get all excited and adorable, when suddenly the guilt finally gave way and the second Oliver paused the movie to make popcorn, Connor stood up and informed the gentle, grinning Asian boy that they needed to talk, right away.

Connor wondered if they could just go back, if he could shake his head and put on that charming smirk he had perfected when he was sixteen, lie to Oliver and pretend this was all just about revealing to Oliver that he didn't like popcorn.

But he couldn't, he loved Oliver, he truly did and Oliver deserved the truth. Even if…if that meant bearing whatever consequences were to come.

Connor knew Oliver, he knew how responsible and level-headed he was. Connor knew that if, when he tells him the truth Oliver…well…he would do what any rational person would and probably go straight to the police.

His friends would kill him, possibly go to jail because of him, never ever forgive him but at that moment in time, feeling Oliver's warm hand against his, Connor found he just couldn't find it in him to care.

Finally working up the courage to look into the other's eyes, Connor took a deep breath and his revelation came out in nothing more than a whisper.

"I…I'm not a drug addict Ollie…I never have been."

His voice was so soft and broken that for a fraction of a second, Connor wasn't sure whether or not Oliver had heard him or not.

Then the hand that was once previously clutching his, loosened, before leaving his embrace completely.

Oliver Hampton's eyes turned from soft and loving to hurt, confused and to the emotion that tore Connor's heart in two all over again, betrayed.

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 _That's the first chapter! It will probably be a two shot fanfiction. Please give me feedback so I know if you like it or not to continue._

 _Thanks for reading_

 _\- xTeam Mockingjayx_


	2. Together

**_Connor's Confession_**

 _ **Chapter 2: Together**_

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 _AN:Hope you like this chapter. It will be the last. Please favourite and review to let me know what you thought!_

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"What…what do you mean? I don't understand…"

Oliver's eyebrows drew together and Connor could practically see the cogs turning in his brain. Oliver internally trying to connect the dots, to see what signs he missed, berating himself because how could he not have noticed something like this?

Connor swallowed as he watched Oliver react to the knowledge of being lied to by him once more.

His Ollie, his beautiful, nerdy, innocent Oliver Hampton who would never hurt a fly, deserved so much better than him.

Oliver worked hard for what he got, Oliver had a proper, non-life threatening job which paid for his own apartment. Oliver who wore adorably large glasses with black edging and always forgot to clean them. This amazing, older man who washed the dishes, kept his apartment surprisingly tidy at all times and whose furniture mostly consisted of modern aesthetic art pieces and multi-coloured, worn and tired books.

For reasons Connor felt he could never comprehend, Oliver fell in love with him. The conceited, confident, cocky Connor Walsh, who was selfish, sly and didn't give a damn about who he hurt once he got what he wanted. He even managed to change him into someone who was patient, who cared and who wasn't necessarily as much of an asshole as he used to be. Oliver fell for Connor and his panic attacks, the regular nightmares that wake Oliver up at all hours of the night, the long nights at the office and the flashbacks that he must all pretend are about his drug problem and not about Sam.

About what he did to Sam.

Connor took a shaky breath and stepped back just an inch so he could have more room to breathe.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry. I didn't want you to get hurt or…or be put in danger. Then I was also afraid if I did tell you…then… you would leave me. That you would kick me out like last time and I…I deserved it then and I deserve it now but I've…I've never felt as lost before as I did without you and I was scared, so cowardly and so damn scared to go back to that because I…I don't want to be without you Ollie. I don't-I can't."

His whole body is shaking now, tears dropping slowly from his crystal blue eyes, regretting ever opening his mouth, knowing it was much too late to back out now, praying to whatever God existed that his Ollie wouldn't leave him, wouldn't hate him like he hates himself.

The messy black haired boy felt his boyfriend's hand return to his and the trembling lessened as the brown eyed boy cautiously and gently tugged him onto the couch. They both sat and Oliver clutched his hands in his tightly.

"Just…just tell me what you did Connor."

It took him a few minutes but eventually Connor had stopped crying so much that he was now capable of speech. Looking into Oliver's eyes Connor told him everything.

He told him about that night, what really happened.

How he drove everyone in pure confusion to the Keating house in an attempt to stop any harm coming to Rebecca. Connor looked away from his partner when he recalled Michaela pushing Sam over the banister. The blood,

"Jesus Oliver there was so much blood."

Connor didn't let the tightening of hands, a shocked gasp or any of the varying expressions he caught out of the corner of his eye distract him as he recounted how he panicked, how they all panicked until before they could blink Sam was on top of Rebecca, chocking the life out of her. Connor's voice cracked when he told Oliver what Wes did and how Sam stopped moving, stopped breathing after that.

Words and memories poured out of him like a tsunami, all the secrets he had been hiding, all the lies he had told came pouring out of his mouth.

Asher almost walking in on them, being forced to hide, how he had to lay on the ground and stare into the unwavering, lifeless face of his boss's dead husband in complete silence as he fought to remember how he ended up in that situation in the first place.

His breathing became more rapid and shallow as he described how they destroyed the body, loading it into his car, bringing it to the woods, hacking away at his acquaintance's bones, Connor closed his eyes as he remembered the feel of the weapon in his hand, recounted how the body went up in flames.

Oliver listened in silence as Connor explained the aftermath, stuffing the ashes and pieces of the dead murderer into bin bags before tossing them carelessly into a nearby dumpster because they were all so unbelievably afraid. Connor refusing to get back into that car so he just walking and walking until he found himself where he needed to be. Outside Oliver Hampton's door at the break of dawn and there was nothing else he could do but knock and pray it was the man he hadn't been able to stop thinking who answered.

Connor ceased his talking for a moment to catch his breath.

He didn't look at his boyfriend, he was too terrified to see his reaction.

Connor Walsh was too cowardly to face the obvious disgust and repulsion on his Ollie's sweet, pure face.

"I wanted to eh, I wanted to go to the police. I-I tried, Michaela and I tried but they…the rest of them and" Connor let out a humourless laugh "And Annalise stopped us. I still wanted to but then…then I got to know you better and fell harder for you with each passing day and I…I didn't want to go to jail and never see you again."

Connor locked eyes with the ground and begged himself to stop crying, to stay strong until Oliver kicked him out into the cruel cold and then he could break down. Nevertheless the sobs continued to come and his shoulders shook more violently with each passing second and each earth shattering revelation.

"I..I love you, I fell totally in love with you. I was selfish, I didn't want to be without you so I kept up the charade, pretended I was addicted to drugs because I wanted you…I didn't want you to see me for what I really am. A pathetic, cheating, lying murderer."

Why had he said anything?

Why did he tell his precious Ollie what he had done?

Because he's a coward.

A pathetic coward who deserves to rot in jail to the end of time for what he did, for Sam, for hurting Oliver.

"I had to tell you" he unconsciously murmured, "I wasn't strong enough…the lies, I couldn't….you deserved the truth…I don't…I don't deserve you…I…I'm sorry…I'm sorry I-"

Connor continued muttering broken fragments of apologises and vows of love as he rocked back and forth on the familiar, cosy couch that he sometimes falls asleep on when working late.

He doesn't know how long he mindlessly sits there for but sooner or later he feels a hand on his shoulder, causing the blotchy faced man to jump in surprise and turn to face the other.

Connor's heart aches when he sees Oliver's deep brown eyes are rimmed with red and his beautiful tan cheeks are stained with tear tracks. Against his better judgement, Connor cannot resist extending a hand and ever so gently brushing away those tragic marks on the other boys face.

He did this. He hurt Oliver. His Oliver.

Once more he hurt the only person he trusts, the only person he truly cares about. At least, now that he has finally revealed to Oliver all the secrets he has withheld, once the I.T. expert inevitably throws him out, hopefully Oliver will never feel hurt by Connor Walsh ever again.

Oliver shuffled closer to him on the couch causing Connor's eyes to widen in fear and confusion.

"Connor…"

Whispers left the other man's mouth without his permission,"Please…please don't hate me…please I love you, I love you so much. I hurt you, oh god, I'm sorry, so sorry. Ollie…Ollie you're everything, my everything, oh please-"

Connor abruptly cut off his pleas when he felt Oliver's cool, chapped lips kiss his trembling hand softly.

"But I-"

"I don't hate you." Oliver interrupted softly but clearly "I promise I don't hate you."

Connor swallowed back more tears and blinked rapidly "You don't?"

Ignoring the question, Oliver continued, "I'm not going to the police either."

The broken man stared at his boyfriend in shock and was silent for the first time in almost an hour.

"Connor…you…you aren't a murderer."

Connor wanted to laugh, had Oliver not heard what he had done? Was his boyfriend paying any attention to what he had told him?

"You aren't Connor." Oh his voice was so gentle and smooth and caring. It was soft and was so different from the vindictive sneer of hatred he had been anticipating.

"You are a law student, you aided and abated or whatever but you didn't actually kill anybody. You didn't…you didn't murder Sam."

"No-no I did Ollie-"

Oliver's eyes watered again but he held the tears back as he caressed Connor's cheek with his hand. Connor sighed deeply and tilted his head into the other's hand.

"Connor, you never set out to do what you did. You were forced to protect yourself and your friends. You all would have gone to jail if you had called the police after Wes…after Wes did what he did." Oliver tried to smile but it came out sad, tearful as he struggled not to break down too.

"I just wish you had told me sooner." Oliver continued "I…I understand why. I mean, if you had told me that night what you had done I…I'm not sure how I would have reacted but I'm not sure we would be together now."

Connor whimpered. This was it. The part where Oliver tells him he just can't be with him anymore. It hurt far more than he expected. And he had expected it to be excruciating.

"I…So just to clarify. I don't hate you. I am not going to the police. You are most certainly not a murderer. And I…I love you. I really love you Connor"

Oliver took Connor's hand into his free one.

"I forgive you, for everything okay? I promise we will get through this. Together."

Together.

Together.

Together.

With that one word and those eight letters, Connor finally let himself fully break down and this time, Oliver opened in his arms and Connor fell into his embrace as sobs racked through his body. One after the other for what felt like days.

All the while, his unbelievably supportive, amazing boyfriend whispered words of love and support in his ear,

"I love you, I forgive you, it wasn't your fault. Together okay? We'll get through it all. Trust me. I'm here. I'm here. I got you Connor. I got you."

Once the sobs subsided and the fears faded Connor realised that the ball of nerves and butterflies that was constantly knotted in his stomach had disappeared. He had finally said all those bottled up words and secrets he had been hiding from not only Oliver but even from his friends. Connor had confessed everything to Oliver. Connor had never fully trusted anyone before and now he just bared his heart and soul to someone who wasn't laughing at him, who didn't hate him or who wanted to throw his deserving ass in jail.

Relief and comfort washed over him and then it wasn't Oliver protecting and supporting Connor, the latter was now hugging him back.

Silently thanking him for everything, the forgiveness, his unconditional love, the comfort and never wavering support.

Showing him how grateful he was for continuing to look at him with love and adoration in those beautiful, deep brown eyes.

As they lay in bed that night, wrapped up warm and cosy with Oliver's arm protectively holding Connor close, for the first time in an awfully long time, Connor Walsh fell asleep free from nightmares, fear and overbearing guilt.

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 _AN: And that's that! Hope you enjoyed! Please review! Let me know if I should write more coliver._

 _Love you all! Thanks for reading_

 _\- xTeam Mockingjayx_


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